a wonderfully cold disaster
by Overripe
Summary: all your favorite Naruto couples plan to take a vacation, but get snowed in, I mean out.when my plot takes a drastic twist can these Ninja surrvive in the REAL world?
1. mistakes

Ello and welcome to my 20 or so chapter story of odness, this is my first story but don't be shy if you want to tell me how good or bad I am, please review

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Rated: T

Sasu x Saku and Hina x Naru teten x Neji ino x shika Kakashi X his book

**Disclaimer: Sad part is, I don't own Naruto, even how much I want to.**

**Chapter 1: mistakes on snow T.T**

" I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!" Screamed a pink haired female from a few Yards away from a loud mouthed annoying blonde headed ninja, who whimpered trying to disappear into the shadows, YOU MADE ME HAVE TO cancel MY HOTSPRING VACATION?!?!

"b-u-u-t, Hinata asked me if I were going and I asked her if she could go then I asked Sasuke who said whatever and then I asked Neji and tenten who asked ino who asked Shikamaru, and some how it got to kakashi who thought it would be great to have time off to read his book" (you maybe want to read that again?)

The female threw a sharp kunai that landed inches from his right ear

"YOU TWIT YO----- did you say Sasuke was going?" The fifteen year old went into some sort of trance and fainted.

3 Days after the incident of complete and utter oddness……….

Sakura glared and naruto who had a bag full of ramen

"All ready?!" she hummed happily in Sasuke's ear who had ear plugs in just because Sakura might do this

"Sakura, why'd you bring him" said tenten disgusted looking at shikamaru

"Ask Naruto" she breathed evilly giving a devilish look at him

"N-n-naruto, h-how are w-we g-going to get there? Hinata stammered

"I'm not sure" said NAruto scratching his head

"I borrowed Tamarii's fan to use, NAruto you are walking"

And with that she grabbed Sasuke's writs and pulled him out of the kitchen.

Konaha was shrinking and shrinking till they had left out of sight, Naruto 20 feet bellow running frantically to keep up

Tenten who had fallen asleap was leaning on Neji, Neji looked so shocked he wasn't breathing, little that he knew, Tenten was awake. (MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA) Ino was bickering with Shikamaru, and Kakashi was reading his book, However Hinata was trying to start conversation with Naruto, by screaming down at him from the rageing wind of the fan, Naruto, who acted as clueless as ever

"N-nar-uto do you l-l-ike m-me?!"

"Of course, you are my best bud" HE yelled stumbling

Hinata sighed and ended trying to talk

"S-s-Akura, C-can y-ou let N-naruto u-up?

" fine" she grunted, but just then the fan twisted upside down and everyone hung od for dear life, they were flying over snow, so if they crashed they would still live, Maybe…..

Kakashi still obsorbed in his book, did not notice

" MY RAMEN!" NAruto screeched as his ramen flew from the fan out into the snow

" I WILL SAVE YOU" and with that he ran after it

Sasuke had not noticed either he had an i-pod on and his eyes were close, hey wait, WTH did he get an I-pod!?

Anyway,

" SHIKAMARU WE ARE GOING TO FAALL SAVE ME"

And Ino jumped into Shikamarus arm, he threw her off and she landed in the snow screaming at Shika

Tenten was ready, She stood up on her feet, now that the fan was right side up twitching horribly.

"JUMP on three" she screamed as the fan did another flip, "1!" She screamed throwing sasuke's I-pod into the snow

" MY I-POD!" He screeched and dived into the snow. The fan was now shaking violently

"what a drag" Shikamaru said

"2!"

"3" Tenten shouted pushing Kakashi off and jumping off along with him.

THUDAll of the shinobi had fallen close to the same place, Sasuke who looked insane was looking for his I-pod, Ino was shouting at shake, Piñata was calling for Naruto, and tenten was hugging Neji while Naruto was missing, Kakashi sat there in terror, his book was ripped in half.

"N-nnarut-to?, W-w-here a-a-re you?!"

"it's time to give it a rest Hinata, he's probably miles off"

They were all sitting grouped together near a fire that spontaneously got there, Hinata was up shivering trying to contact Naruto

"RAAM" a loud voice echoed from about a mile north.

"W-what was that" Tenten said hugging Neji's arm.

"Shhh, listen" Ino protested

"RAAAMMMN!"

"Byocugon" "guys I know what it is" Sighed Neji looking relieved

"RAMMMENNNN!" The voice now very close.

"Naruto" all said in unison

Around 5 minutes later in the north you could see a black dot coming closer and closer, finally Naruto stopped in front of Sasuke who was mending his I-pod.

"HEY SASUKE, GUESS WHAT I FOUND"

"your ramen?" he said coldly

"NO, BUT, I DID FIND THIS HOTEL THAT IS CLOSED SO WE COULD SNEAK IN AND HAVE A VACATION THERE"

" STOP SCREAMING NARUTO" Ino screeched

"NO YOU"

"NO YOU"

"NO Y—"

Sakura hit Ino over the head with a frying pan.

" N-naruto t-that is a g-great idea."

"Where are we anyway" said shikamaru lazily

"We are at a ski resort witch is not open this month, it is June anyway." Replied Naruto

"We should go, otherwise we would be stuck out here getting frostbite" sneered Sakura

Kakashi now finally into it, he got up nodding, and turned around, probably crying because of his book.

"Naruto the door is locked!" said ino sounding tense.

"Don't worry, I can handle this, ummm….err, can I just blow down the door"

"N-naruto, there I-is a k-key under t-the floor m-mat" Hinata murmured picking the key up.

"Oh, GREAT, thanks hinata!" Naruto hugged hinata and she fainted. "hey Hinata-Chan wake up, Hinata-Chan? Oh well" Naruto put the key into the door and it opened it.

"Here Hinata" and Tenten hoisted Hinata on her back.

The room was in darkness, complete darkness so dark you could not see.

"HEY WHERES THE LIGHT" screamed Naruto.

" how am I going to know you idiot of a ninja" sasuke said from somewhere left of Sakura.

Teten set hinata down and began to feel her way to the light switch, she fell to the floor, but she fell on top of someone, Neji.

"What a bother, why doesn't someone just find the switch." said Shikamaru south of Sasuke. Sasuke started walking right and tripped over Hinata falling on someone who seemed to be smaller then him.

"hey, who'd I fall on?"

Sakura blushed and acted like she was unconscious. A hand grabbed ino's and she fell back words on Shikamaru.

Naruto the only one left standing tripped over Hinata letting out a low squeak Naruto fell on top of her. Suddenly Kakashi found the light switched turned it on.

"oh my" he cooed looking at every one

10 minutes after that odd situation…..

"okay, listen up" There are 5 rooms and 8 people, We need to figure out who gets what room, SO the only logical way is to guess a number between 1 and fifty, I will pick 5 numbers"." Neji said seriously "Okay, first is to room A1, then room A2,3, 4 and 5, the closest to my number gets it.

"7" Sakura said.

"46" said Hinata scarcely.

"27" said ino.

"48" said Naruto laughing.

" 10" murmured Sasuke.

"35" said tenten

and shikamaru spoke quietly "29"

Kakashi said "1"

Mine is "40" said Neji, "even though I am the one picking the number I still have the right" "the first number was 9"

Sasuke stopped breathing and regretted picking ten, Sakura was in a state of shock.

"The second one was 46" Hinata fainted again.

"The third one is 28" Ino looked as if she was going to puke and Shikamaru just said.

"What a drag"

"The fourth number is 37." Tenten smiled evilly.

"and the last number is 2, Kakashi you get a room alone."

Kakashi punched the air.


	2. The hotspring Monster

Chapter 2: the hot spring monster

"Hey Naruto, isn't it strange that Tamari's fan malfunctioned today?" Tenten said thoughtfully sitting at a large wooden dining table along with all the rest of the ninja except Sakura who was desperately trying to read a Chinese cook book.

"yeah, it is strange, as if Tamari was trying to trick us into falling into the snow…" Neji said almost asleep.

Suddenly a loud crash echoed from the kitchen. Sasuke sat up and said boredly "I will see what is wrong." and left to the kitchen. Ino also got up I will explore the hotel." And left for outside.

2 minutes later….

"HOLY POOP!" sounded an echo from outside, there is a HOTSPRING Sakura"

At that note Sakura ran out of the kitchen panting "REALY" She exclaimed holding a frying pan and an apron.

After a dinner of extremely weird green squiggly stuff Sakura was ecstatic about going to a hot spring. But problem was Shikamaru threw up and she had to clean it up looking sulky.

"WOAH, THIS PLACE IS AWSOME" squealed Sakura squeezing Sasuke's hand so hard he lost circulation. The spring was huge; it was separated by a large wooden gate. One side was labeled women, and the other men. Naruto was smiling evilly and Hinata was sinking into the shadows. Neji just refused point blank ,and was now in his room taking a shower.

Sakura's eyes were as big as tennis balls.

"S-A-K!" Sasuke tespritaly tried to say, Sakura was now hugging him so hard he cound not breathe.

"Whats that?" Sakura said turning her attention to Sasuke.

"GOD DANGIT SAKURA, GET OFF HIM"! Screemed tenten kicking her in the shin.

"ow, ow, OW!" Sakura said jumping up and down on her non-injured leg.

10 minutes later, Girls Changing room…

"I wonder why Tamari didn't want to come with us?" Tenten said unties her short brown hair.

"T-tamarie said she was busy with an evil plot to blow up something in the sound village" Hinata piped in squeakily

"well that's okay, at least it's now us" Said Ino snorting

Very little did they know what was going on in the boys changing room…

"Naruto, what are you thinking you idiot?" Sasuke said dimly

"probably something unsutible for young eyes." Said Shikamaru Lazily

"huh, were you talking to me?" murmured Naruto as he put down his not book and pen.

"yes Naruto, they were." Kakashi spat.

………………………………...

"OW, whyed you do that for?" Said Naruto rubbing a lump on his head, "THAT hurt"

" because I knew you would do something dumb" sneered Sakura marching off and through the wooden door of the girls hot spring her light blue towel whipping behind her.

Hinata scrambled through the door and Tenten and Ino scurried after her.

Suddenly Neji walked through the door looking frightened,

"SAKURA'S GREEN STUFF IS ALAIVE, IT IS WRECKING THE CABIN AND EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!" he screamed flaling his arms

"what a drag said shikamaru" Who still had his towel on her went inside.

10 minutes later….

"he still hasn't come back" Said Ino shakeing. Everyone looked at her. "wha, huh, What do I care!" She said crossing her arms and turning around.

"I'm GOING IN AFTER HIM!" Naruto pronounced happily.

But before he could make a step, A giant green squishy leg crushed the doorway.

"HOLY CRAP!" Screamed tenten hiding behind Neji.

Will they fend off the monster? Find out in chapter 3... Coming January 2008


	3. Sakura is sour

**Announcement:** OOO! I have one subscriber, I feel so HAPPY! I forgot to add the little notes up here T.T, ( I lied about it coming out in January.)

Well anyway, on with chapter 3, I am planning on making several more chapters, so don't get you underwear in a knot!

**Disclaimer: **no I do not own Naruto, If I did I would be rich.

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The Green squiggly leg thrashed more and broke the roof off it's hinges. A giant green body emerged from the smoke. "IT'S HIDIOUS!" Sakura screamed

"wait look closer…" whispered tenten inching out from behind Neji.

"Look Shikamaru!" said Naruto pointing to a chunk of a pointy black pony tail sticking out from the monsters cheek.

"it ate him" said Ino disgusted stepping back.

Suddenly it's greenish hand swooped down a pulled Kakashi's book from his loose grip on his book. Kakashi gasped and fainted.

"Drama QUEEN" spat Sakura.

" I know what to do but it is not gonna be easy.." said Naruto putting his head down." HUMAN SACRIFICE!" He said quickly picking up Sakura and chucking her at the monster.( mind you they had bathing suits on!) The monster screamed with pain.

"TO SOUR!" the monster groaned as it started to bubble. The green bubbles grew faster and faster until; The monster exploded into a big green pile of mush.

"that thing really was gross, what a drag." Said shikamaru rubbing the green out of his eyes, he was dangling from a tree by his pants.

"SHIKA!" Ino cried quickly getting him down. Sakura was now unconscious blood pouring out of a cut in her arm her head resting in Sasukes lap who was trying to cease the blood.

"N-naruto?" Hinata murmured "h-how are w-we going to f-fix the cabin?"

"hmm" Naruto pondered. "I got it!" he said snapping his fingers. "I'll just call rock lee to fix it he know how to fix everything!" said naruto grabbing a cell phone out of his pocket.

"STOP" shouted an angry Tenten " you HAD that CELL PHONE all along?!"

" yeah why? I used it to order pizza behind Sakuras back."" here let me call rock lee" He picked out the cell phone and dialed 9 numbers.

"YO, Rock lee,….Yeah, we need some help, we are stuck in………" but suddenly the phone shut off." Out of power" Said Naruto Shrugging."

WHAT!" Screamed tenten so loud the snow started to shake violently. There was a large THUMP, and an avalanche poured from a mountain heading strait toward them.

"you see tenten, I was right, you should take anger management." said Ino matter-of-factually.

"Sakura!" Said Sasuke jumping on top of a high tree branch with Sakura in his arms. The snow was now very near threatening to burry them all. "Find hiding places!" shouted Sasuke over the roaring snow.

Neji took Tenten by the arm and jumped to the top of the tree Sasuke and Sakura were. Hinata fainted.

"HINATA!" hollered Naruto frantically. The snow had already engulfed half of the cabin. Naruto dashed to her and picked he up and ran with agility of a fox up the tree. Ino and Shikamaru just stood there playing go-Fish. "HEY, SHIKAMARU, INO!" Ino looked up.

"oh my, shikamaru we better get going." But it was to late the snow covered them whole the snow reached so high it cover Sasuke and Sakura.

"oh no.." Tenten whispered looking down to where Sasuke and Sakura were moments before. Tenten collapsed on Neji's chest sobbing. Neji flushed, but his face was full of shock and sadness. Suddenly Kakashi appeared next to hinata and Naruto.

"wow, Kakashi sensei, I didn't notice you were gone."

"as expected" said Kakashi straightly.

"as a challenge of youth, I WILL SAVE YOU SAKURA!" shouted a distant but happy voice, that sounded oddly familiar.

"ROCK-LEE!" they all shouted in unison.

"Yes it is I the devilishly hansome shinobi of the hidden leaf!"

"fasinateing, now will you save our buddies now?"

"Of course Tenten, all I am wondering now is why no one invited me?"

"uh...ermm" stammered Naruto, who knew it was his fault "the same season I didn't invite Kiba, or Shino, uh..."

"now that you metion them, they were on a mission weren't they?"

"yes, yes, that is right, thank you neji." stammered Naruto. With that Rock-lee nodded and dived head first into a frozen hell.

" I hesitated to tell him, but Snow is cold..." tenten said looking down.

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**Next time: **

Lee gets drunk, I get a real plot line, Yay for me! ( sorry that the last two chapters are so short, I will have a longer one next time!)

REVIEW!!!


	4. Fairy tale files

**The reason** I update so fast is because I am super man…no, no I am not,I lied to you, so you'd give me reviews, I is a super football playing cactus super GIRL. HECK YEAH!

My LONG chapter 4! REVIEW!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto, the person who owned Naruto is awesome, and I am not…

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"Gai sensei said cold was a sign of youth! Thought Lee as he struggled hopelessly more and more into the snow. 

"_**BUT YOUR GOING TO GET FROSTBITE!" **_yelled another part of him.

" I do not care, I MUST save Sakura!"

"_**must?" **_sneered the other part.

"YES, MUST!"

" _**fine, do what you 'must', I'm getting some ice cream."**_

"how could I think of Ice cream at a time like this!"

Rock-lee suddenly realized something, "I CAN'T BREATH!"

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"He's GOING TO SUFFOCATE!" Tenten yelled in distress, Neji and Naruto had both of her arms straining to keep her back. "LEE!" she screeched. Tenten struggled but she knew her strength was nothing compared with Naruto's and Neji's, Unless...

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"HA, HA Shikamaru GO FISH!"said Ino smiling evilly as she stuck out her tongue. 

"what a drag..." Shikamaru sighed lazily drawing a card from a large stack. A normal person in the world of mine would look at this and think he or she was a crazy person and check them selfs into an insane asylum .A large blue circle encircled the ninja The snow just laying on top of the orb.

" have any 3's?" Ino asked

"no." sighed Shikamaru

"REALLY? you look suspisious!"

"listen, I have N-O T-H-R-E-E-S!!" suddenly the blond girl leaped onto Shikamaru's Shoulders and looked at his cards.

"well I guess your right you don't have any threes." said ino pointing at one of his 4's.

"yeah, and I didn't have any 5 minutes ago when you did this either, get off your making my muscles have pain.

"did you just can me FAT?! Ino screamed

"yes, yes I did"

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A large smacking sound echoed from the snow below, "This is my chance!" thought Tenten. The two boys with straining Tenten, hold slackend as they looked down. Tenten broke free and yanked a chainsaw from her shrunken holder cackling madly. "Neji, before I kill you you all I wanted to say is.." she said softly "YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL" she said laughing crazily. She lifted her chainsaw, but before she could do any damage, Kakashi hit her over the head with a frying pan. 

"She has gone temporarily insane.." Kakashi said looking at the unconscious Tenten. Neji picked her up and set her to lean against the tree, her chainsaw had fallen into the snow along with another bottle. Neji turned to Kakashi and said sternly.

"do I really look like a girl?

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"Yo, Sakura, what are you doing?" 

"Healing a wound, It takes some consentration"

The snow had awoken sakura, and the reason the pair of them were still alive was Sasuke had quickly preformed a stabilized bubble for the two of them to breathe.

"well do whatever your doing faster, I can't hold the chalkra for much longer."

"It, is so freaking cold." said Sakura teeth chattering madly. "D-done" She started to walk over to sasuke but crouched down shivering her, hands purple and shaking. Sasuke looked back, she was much lighter then him making her more cold, if she were to live he would have to do something fast. suddenly an idea popped into his head.

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"Lee swam through the snow, he could not breathe nor see, something green was shining illuminating a patch o f snow. He reached for it, grasping it he swam upward breaking the snowy surface. coughing up snow, and breathing in fresh air. " that was a youthful swim, but I could now locate Sakura or Sasuke, neither Ino and Shikamaru, Wait what happened to Tenten?" He peered up at Neji." Tenten, I know sleep is youthful but we need to find the others." tenten stirred but did not wake up. 

"ooo, I know what to do!" said Naruto absent minded randomly pulling out black a sharpie labeled **_"WILL NOT COME OFF"_**

"so is that how you got your whiskers?" said Neji grabbing Naruto's arm and snatching the pen away and throwing it at lee.

"NEJI, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, BLACK IS NOT A COLOR OF YOUTH!" shouted Lee angrily shaking his snow covered fist at him." Tenten moved in her sleep and growled something that sounded oddly like " come and get me you girly boy "

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"ow, Ino, that hurt, don't do that." said Shikamaru calmly rubbing a spot on his cheek. 

"I think it's about time to let them know we have not died." Ino fumed

"and how do you suppose we are going to do that?"

"Simple, I intricate the author who writes this crap, and make her let us out." Ino retorted as if this was a very simple answer."...

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"That was easy" said Ino proudly "the author might be mentally insane now, but it was worth it" Ino and Shikamaru had magically popped up on to the branch next to the rest of the shinobi, now back with their normal cloths on.

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Fire erupted out of the boys mouth slowly but surly melting the snow. He grabbed Sakura bridal style and bent his knees and shot up like a rocket through the hole and onto one of the branched just 1 higher then the rest. 

"YOUR SAFE TEEME!" yelled Naruto waving. Sakura jumped out of his arms stumbling and walked over to Ino.

"could you please ask the author to get us back our cloths?" said Sakura shakily

"mwahaha, of course!"

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"Sakura, I found this bottle that tenten dropped into the snow." said lee pointing and the snoring Teten. " I believe there is a piece of paper inside of it, would you like to open it? 

"sure." She said now not so cold all of the ninja were sitting on a branch discussing ways to get out. Sakura took the bottle and tipped it over. The piece of rolled up parchment fell out and landed in her hand. "SHH, I AM TRYING TO READ!" she screamed at everyone who obeyed and quieted.

**_Congratulations to:_**

**_Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Kakashi Hatake, Neji and Hinata Hyuga, _**

**_Shikamaru Nara, Ino Yamanaka, Tenten, amd to Rock Lee, For _**

**_Successfully entering the drama "fairy tale files" Auditions will be held a_**

**_week from when this letter was sent._**

**_Remember, the prize for winning scene is a trip to Konoha_**

**_Thank you, Sincerely, _**

_**IT.****

* * *

**_

"wha...what?" Tenten said sleeping. Someone was shaking her violently. She opened her eyes to find Neji looking Murderous. "Wazzah matter?"

"When were you planning to tell us you forged our signatures?"

"w-well about that." She stuttered

"worst of all you put the parchment in an bottle of elixer, witch still had 1 drop left, and Lee is going crazy!"

"well, I thought it would be a suprise." Tenten grinned.

"Well we are all pretty suprised"

"lighten up Neji, it's not my fault you look like a girl."

It took Naruto, Lee, and Sasuke to hold him back.

* * *

Thank you, and thak you all, I would just like to bring in a few of the real Naruto Characters to get there reviews:

Hinata: I w-was not metiond, w-why do you hate me so?

Itachi: WHAT IS THIS, IT IS HORRIBLE, I'M NOT IN IT!

Tenten: OH YEAH, I ROCK

Neji: you are an evil twisted piece o-(censored)

Ino: GIRL POWER!

**Next Time:**

**wheres Gaara, we NEED Gaara NOW.**

**and we will all find out what flavor of ice cream **

**Inner Rock Lee got.**


	5. Gaara's 'Tail'

**YAY**, I have a plot, A great plot line mind you.

This story is a bit shorter then the 4th. I might not update for a while, I go back to school next week, witch means a bad thing. Feel sorry for me would ya?

* * *

**G**aara has issues…

"AHHH, EVIL GIRLY MONSTER!" Tenten said in a high pitch backing up against the tree twitching in horror. " I have two more chainsaws, SO DON'T GET ANY CLOSER!"

"We want answers and we want them now, If not we let Neji go." grunted Naturo

"Hn" Sasuke said in agreement.

"FINE" Teten huffed as she crossed her arms. " I thought it would be good to work on ANGER MANEGMENT!" she spat and Neji who viciously tried to rip her head off. " and friendship"

"real reason?" asked Shikamaru yawning, who leaned against the tree. Naruto lifted one of his hands and Neji lunged but was still out of reach.

"OKAY, OKAY, Tamarie has some evil plot to steal Shikamaru in the process of the play, and she wanted us to see- no she just wanted to make Ino jealous, NOW GET THAT THING WAY FROM ME!" Tenten said backing up into the tree even more. (which was not possible so she just sucked in her stomach)

"so how are we going to get there to stop tamaris evil plan?" asked Lee enthusiastically (ooo, IT RYTHMS)

"how did you get here?" Sasuke asked Lee.

"Gaara." Lee said simply everyone gaped at him.

"G-g-gaara?"

"yes, I would have ran if Sakura asked me to."

"yo" said Gaara (wait, when the heck did he get here?)

"yo" Said Naruto absent mindedly, wait, HUH! Naruto spun around and was face to face with Gaara of the sand. "I DIDN'T DO IT!" said Naruto.

"Do what?" breathed Gaara menacingly

"I DIDN'T DRAW A MUSTACHE ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU WERE NOT LOOKING!" Naruto hid behind Lee. A vein twitched in Gaaras temple.

"SO, gaara, we need your assistance." Said Sakura pushing Lee aside. "If you let us ride y our sand out of

this place…. We will give you a king sized chocolate bar."

"What is chocolate?" Gaara asked raising an eyebrow.

"Here, taste." She said taking a regular sized Snickers bar out of her pocket. She handed it to Gaara who eyed it suspiciously. Gaara took it and popped it into his mouth. "err, your are suppose to unwra-" She stopped . Gaara seemed to be stunned. He twitched. Then fell over and his sand stopped him form falling

into the snow. It genially placed him onto the branch and slowly descended back into the gourd.

"GIVE ME MORE!" he suddenly said sitting bolt up right. This seemed to awake Hinata who squeaked that she was so close to Naruto, and fainted again. Sakura smirked.

"of course just take us out of this place." Gaara had already commanded his sand to a platform, so everyone could sit on, Naruto slowly lifted Hinata's limp body and set it of the plat form. Tenten scurried onto it away from Neji. Kakashi just walked onto the platform yawning. Ino insisted on Shikamaru to carry her. But he refused making Ino hit him on the head. Gaara looked impatient as the rest scurried on.

Neji was last to get on as he glared at Tenten darkly. Tenten slowly crept over farther away, but as gaaras sand bolted up and sped at an impossible speed ahead. Tenten slipped and fell on Neji who growled.

"Zach Effron is more girly." Tenten said effectually.

"MAKE THEM STOP!" Screamed Naruto covering his eyes. Tenten and Neji were making out in the corner of the platform. Kakshi was observing writing down notes in a hand book.

"who knew insulting gayish stars could make someone so happy" said Ino thoughtfully. "Shikamaru." Ino announced. "Brittany Spears is a pig."

"Yeah, what of it?" he yawned. Smoke emerged from Ino's ears.

"Look WERE AWAY FROM THE SNOW!" yelled Sakura in Sasuke's ear making him jab his index fingers into them. The group was descending slowly onto a patch of snow-free grass.

"WARM!" screamed Naruto jumping off the platform, unfortunately it was still 30 feet above ground. "ow…" murmured a crushed Naruto.

"where is this place?" thought Rock Lee aloud.

"GIVE ME THE CHOCOLET!" yelled Gaara breathing in Sakura's ear.

"Here, Here, Sheesh." Said Sakura hopping off the platform and throwing the candy bar and gaara who snatched it and stated nibbling at the corner. Sakura looked around. It was daylight and they were standing in a field of soggy green grass.

"Hey, Tenten, did the paper say anything about where we had to go?"

Tenten shook her head and looked over a small hill.

"we should go over to check out where we are." said Tenten taking Neji's hand and running up the hill. They stopped and Tenten's jaw dropped. She beckoned for the rest to come along. The rest walked up the hill and each of their jaws dropped.

Sakura gulped "Kakashi, I don't think we are in Konoha anymore."

* * *

Ooo, what cha thinking? What do some of the other Naruto charoctors think about this?

Sasuke: "Hn"

Sakura: What's up with all Sasukes "Hn" s, I mean it is not even a word, it's more like a grunt.

Naruto: "Hn"

Zach Effron: "Hn"

Sakura: Wait, when the heck did he/she get here?!

The next chapter will be up in a week or so I am working on two other stories, and Have school on monday. See you then.

((**other disclaimer:** I do not own Zach Effron or Brittany Spears.))

**Next chapter:**

**Tamari is about to get it, but what is she about to get?**


	6. Moose farts

Sorry for the short chapter, you get what you get.

* * *

6: Moose farts

The sound of Tenten's Chainsaw filled the air. "I WILL KILL IT FOR YOU!" She cackled.

"NO, It IS SOOO CUTE." Said Sakura persuasively.

"KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT!" Screamed Naruto.

"Don't kill it! It has my eyes." yelled Ino.

"If you don't shut the hell up right now, so help me I will take Tenten's chainsaw and kill you all!" Bellowed Neji. Everyone stopped talking and sweat dropped. The moose that was in the clearing walked away with a loud fart. Hinata fainted. Naruto dashed over and caught her before she hit the ground.

"Lets go through the trees, maybe someone could tell us were we are." offered Sasuke. Everyone snapped there head to look at him with worried looks on there faces.

"WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE SASUKE I KNOW!" cried Sakura starting to sob.

"Wow, WOW, Sakura it's O-K-A-Y!"

"Why did you just say world of War craft, ARE YOU BECOMING A JUNKY ON US?!" questioned Naruto accusingly. Sasuke stared evilly at him.

Suddenly a white drop fell onto Sasuke's hand.

"w-what is this?" stuttered Sasuke. Two more fell onto him. Then on to Kakashi who screamed.

"IT'S SNOW!"

"RUN!" Shikamaru shouted flailing his arms. All of the Shinobi scattered.

* * *

**Sakura: **

She ran though the thick never ending trees; she saw light at the end of the row. She ran for it. She jumped out of the trees, and began to do a victory dance, until she opened her eyes and saw more snow. She scurried to the closest person who was a young girl with a purple umbrella. She bent down to the girl and said. "I'll trade you a piece of gum for that umbrella." She nodded. And gave Sakura her umbrella. She threw her an already chewed piece of gum and ran off with the umbrella

* * *

.

**Shikamaru** and **Ino:**

Ino clung onto Shikamaru's arm as her drug her out of the trees and into the light.

"What is this place?" Said Ino in awe. There were these 'moving' large colored things zooming up and down a grey and yellow path. How strange. There were blinding lights hung around house like things, witch 'people' kept going in and out of carrying large bags full of weird looking stuff; colorful boxes, stuffed things that looked like animals. "Must be a different time zone." shrugged Ino.

"b-but it's JUNE!" said Shikamaru. Ino walked up to a short old lady and said politely.

"Hello fine lady, I was wondering if you could answer a few question, first is we are lost and not sure where we are, would you kindly tell us?"

"W-well, you are in New York city." Ino tilted her head in confusion but went on.

"My last question was could you kindly tell us what day it is?"

"December 20th I think."

"Thank you, have a nice day." and with that the old lady walked away. Shikamaru looked at her confused.

"WHAT, I was in girl scouts."

* * *

**Tenten** and **Neji:**

"WOW, this place is awesome, LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHAINSAWS!" Tenten grabbed Neji's hand and dragged him into the Power tools store.

* * *

**Sasuke:**

Sasuke was walking casually down the sidewalk hands in pockets, emotionless face. Every now and then girls would pass by and start giggling or faint at the sight of his face. He closed his eyes, and then he opens them to see a Sakura getting chased by a 5 year old. He laughed. Then he stopped abruptly because Sakura had ran his over on left a foot print on his face

* * *

**Kakashi**:

Kakashi entered _Barnes & noble.

* * *

_

**Naruto and Hinata:**

_Naruto had brought Hinata to a building with a red plus sigh on it that said "EMERGANCY"._

"Here Hinata, maybe the dock will fix your fainting problem." Said Naruto to her as he enters the building. "OOO" he squealed as the doors opened without him touching it. "AMAZING"

* * *

**Gaara and Rock Lee:**

"What's this?" Said Lee pointing to a Gay bar.

"Maybe it's Karaoke." Suggested Gaara.

* * *

HAHA, I DID THAT BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF REVIEWS, NOW YOU HAVE A GAY GAARA!

Gaara: shoots

Lee: What is G-A-Y? Is it youthful?

Old lady: What a nice little girl, she looked somewhat like a pig to me.

Ino: Shoots stale cookies at old lady

**Next time**: Ino's past, what evil horrors made Ino who she is?


	7. Magic in YOU

After hours of relentless hiding, running, and hitchhiking, all of the team was back together, but some odd reason, Gaara and Lee didn't show up.

"OUT OF THE STORE, OR I WILL BEHEAD YOU!" Yelled Tenten with not a chainsaw, but a butter knife. People laughed and continued their shopping.

"What's with them?" Asked Tenten. "The clerk at the power tool shop said that this knife is very scary, that's why he charged some weird looking green paper things. I jacked them from an old lady." shrugged Ino.

"Hn"

"GOD DAMNIT SASUKE, IF YOU SAY HN ONE MORE TIME I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!" Barked Sakura spitting in his face. Sasuke whimpered.

"Maybe this will do better?" asked Tenten pulling out yet another chainsaw. People in The store scattered and ran over Hinata as they went.

"HINATA-CHAN!?" Said Naruto picking up the flattened HinatA.

Neji pounced onto Tenten and took her chainsaw. Holding it up, he turned it off so the room grew quiet. Suddenly sirens went off filling the room distantly with noise. All of them whipped around to see five police cars pulling into the mall parking lot.

"Oh crap" said Neji throwing the chainsaw to Naruto.

"EEK" he screamed tossing it to Sakura who fell back words. Getting up the police started stepping out of their cars.

"HIDE!" Sakura yelled as she threw it to Tenten.

"You wanted it. "Said Tenten as she threw it onto neji. All of them ran to the nearest hiding place. The supply Closet of the pharmacy. A can of red paint that was on the highest shelf fell with a crash onto Neji's head. It took Neji a few moments to see the chainsaw in his hands, and a bucket of paint on his head. Her grabbed the bucked with two hands and pulled it off knowing at once he shouldn't have done it because the paint in the bottom of the can spewed out of it and onto the floor splattering the chainsaw with red.

Neji started to throw a tantrum. He turned back on the chain saw and jabbed it through a manikin head. The paint from the chain saw made the manikins neck red and dripping with paint.

"Come out with you hands up!" Said a stern chubby police officer. Neji surveyed the scene.

"Oh, poop." he said looking at his paint covered hands.

**In the closet…**

**As **Naruto shut the door of the closet. He noticed how cramped it was. He heard some shuffling then someone swore. "I don't have a flashlight in my weapons bag. I hope Neji doesn't hurt my chainsaw, Mr. Chainy was my favorite."

Ino and Shikamaru who were oddly quite and not bickering. Sasuke though he was going to get piece and quiet until he stretched and felt something round. He heard Ino scream and a searing pain in his head.

"GROSS!" said Naruto. "Who did a silent but deadly?" No one answered until Sakura heard something. "Moose is back." She whispered to Shikammaru who gagged.

* * *

Neji tore from the building dodging gun shots, and flying men trying to grab at him. 

"You won't take me ALIVE copper!" Neji said shaking his fists insanely.

"Gosh, I feel like Tenten is rubbing off on Me." he scoffed. In that moment of insanity he felt pain in the back of his head, then nothing but black.

* * *

"LET US OUT!" Kakashi shouted banging at the locked door. "THE BOOK STORE WAS OUT FOR LUNCH. " FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, LET US OUT!" Kakashi sobbed. 

"GET A GRIP" yelled Sakura banging him on the head. Kakashi instantly fainted, and might have had a skull fracture.

Hinata's world was something of a daze. She blinked two times. But still all blackness. She could hear tremendous amounts of talking and yelling. Kakashi sobbing. Sakura yelling. And a loud crack. Kakashi sobbed no more. Hinata shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly it hit her.

"OH MERLINS PANTS, I'VE BEEN BLINDED!" she screamed making the place grow ominously quiet.

"Merlin's pants?" said Tenten vaguely. Someone chuckled. But it did not sound like any of them.

"Pants of Merlin?" said Hinata slightly alarmed. Just as she though, the voice laughed again. This time it seemed oddly familiar.

"Itachi" Asked Sasuke.

"Uh…no… this is, HARRY POTTER, yeah." said the voice stammering. If possible the room grew even more silent. Then a burst of noise.

"OH MY GOD, HARRY, I NEED YOUR AUTOGRAPH!"

SIGHN MY UNDERWHERE, THE ONES WITH BARNEY ON THEM!"

"MARRY ME!"

The man sounded slightly afraid. "Uh….I is… TURNED INTO ONE OF THOSE GUYS FROM RICHARD SIMINS!" Everyone in the room ran as hard as they could at the door screaming a yelling. The door burst open and the shin obi scattered not notice Itachi stepping out of the closet wearing a shirt that said** " I am working with Tamari to ruin Ino's life by taking Shikamaru,"** In bold letters. He laughed coldly at the cowering teenagers under isles, behind counter and Tenten who was dangling off the celing fan.

Hinata blinked, she could see again, but she was squeezed in with Naruto under a bed display. She turned away to hide her blushing.

"Hey Hina-chan." Said Naruto playfully. "Why don't we take a leaf out of Tenten's book and 'borrow' a chainsaw from the tool department?" Hinata gulped.

* * *

"Why does Tamari hate you so much?" asked shikamaru lightly as the hid behind a washing machine in the cleaning cloths department. 

"W-well, I am sorry Shikamaru, Tamari and I were friends once…"

* * *

_FLASHBACK

* * *

_

"_Ino-Chan, INO-CHAN?!"_

"_Yes Tamari-Chan?" asked a playful 5 year old Ino who was hanging upside down on the monkey bars._

"_That kid. " She said panting pointing at a cute kid sleeping on a bench about 100 feet away, his spiky pineapple hair visible from behind the bench._

_Ino gasped falling off the monkey bars landing hard on her head. Shaking her head better she stood up dizzily. The most beautiful person in the world. "Let's come closer, I can't really see the amazing creature." said Ino in awe._

_They raced down the path and stopped 10 feet from the boy. "Mine!" said Ino lunging. _

"_NO MINE!" yelled Tamari grabbing a handful of Ino's fair lengthed hair and yanking her back words. Ino sniffed and her eyes sparkled with tears._

"_YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE TAMARI!" _

"_VIS-A-VERSA! The six year old yelled throwing up her arms and sticking her tongue out. Ino lunged again, this time not at the handsome boy but at Tamari.

* * *

_

END OF FLASHBACK.

* * *

"Ah." Said Shikamaru blankly.

* * *

BAHHUMBUG TO YOU TO 


	8. authers notehalf of chapter 8

-1** IMPORTANT**

**I am contemplating on weather or not to quit this story, I am on a serious writers block, and have no idea what to do. RAWRG, This I driving me crazy, Well I got stuck in the middle of Chapter eight, I AM CLUELESS, I will post what I have bellow, if it is not to much trouble could you help me think of what to do next?!**

**Love,**

**Minokey**

**P.S. I have not spell checked it yet .**

Tenten's world was spinning at a very fast pace. Fealing nouciaous she started to figure out her plan of mass distruction. But her plan could not progress if Richard simins was bellow her.

Suddenly a great lurch of her stomach and she vomited plunging the 'Richard Simins' to a gren world of nasty smelling chunks of moly undigested objects.

Itachi who was laughing evily, never saw his fate comeing

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Neji woke up with a start sitting up he banged his head painfully into something hard. Ducking down he rubbed his head "wazza matter wit my head? He murrmmerd dazed.

Blinking a few times he made out the outline of two bulky figures and one small figure sitting crossed legged in the middle of the floor.

Frozen with fear Neji notice he was laying against a cold hard wall with a low ceiling and dimmed lights. Suddenly the small cross legged figure sprag up and ran towrd Neji. Instingtivaly Neji reached for his wepon pouch. But it was not there. He gropped thin air pressing againsted the wall untill…

The figure leaped onto him giving him a huge bear hug.

"NEJI!" it sniffed. I's scarey in here. Not after a few seconds of confusion did her relize who had hold of him.

"MOM?!" he yelled stareing blankly at her.

Gaara gazed drunkenly at the sky. Rock-Lee was on a serious hang over and was in no mood to talk. Gaara suddenly heard foot steps, and saw the rest of the ninja sprinting up the flowery meddow like bullets, grabbing gaara and rock-lee they sped off towd the drama dapartment, dodging snow with frightened looks on their faces.

"oi -hic- you -hic- PUT -Hicup- me down!" said Rock-Lee swaying slightly. Stopping they panted breathlessly. Not noticing they had left dear old Tenten behind.


End file.
